Etiquette & Manners
Etiquette is not about 'I'm better than you,'It's about showing respect to others. It's basic and simple,
The role of etiquette has changed over the years. At one time, it served as an indicator of each person’s proper station in life. Today, etiquette helps smooth the path of our daily activities, whether it’s meeting others in our daily interactions, talking to someone on the phone, offering condolences properly or understanding how to talk to colleagues at a business conference.
With Lazzaro, you’ll explore the rules of good behavior for today’s most common social and business situations, including the common courtesies of life that many of us have forgotten or may not have learned, from when to offer your seat on a bus to a stranger to how to share a cab. It will also go over telephone etiquette, with the updated rules for cell phone use and the new rules for office calls.
Correspondence, including emails, entertaining and being a polite guest, giving and receiving gifts and life’s big events are all covered, with examples – both good and bad.
There is also a section on life situations that are never easy, such as death and divorce, with etiquette sessions I will help you navigate the minefield of emotions surrounding these situations.
Lazzaro will teach you everything you need to know to move graciously through today's world.
I impart etiquette sessions to adults and teens as an empowering skill that can help to advance socially and in business.
The Sessions cover how to introduce yourself, how to make friends, as well as conversation skills and posture.
This is an edge that will help you, your child in life, in college and in business .
This sessions take place at my office and and also in locations around Vancouver.
Groups can also contract this service at churches, schools and community centers.
Types of Manners
I would like to outline three manner categories; hygiene, courtesy and cultural norms, each of which help to account for the multifaceted role manners play in society.
These categories are based on the outcome rather than the motivation of manners behavior and individual manner behaviors may fit into 2 or more categories.
- Hygiene Manners – are any manners which affect disease transmission. They are likely to be taught at an early age, primarily through parental discipline, positive behavioral enforcement of continence with bodily fluids (such as toilet training), and the avoidance or removal of items that pose a disease risk for children. It is expected that, by adulthood, hygiene manners are so entrenched in one’s behavior that they become second nature. Violations are likely to elicit disgust responses.
- Courtesy Manners – demonstrate one’s ability to put the interests of others before oneself; to display self-control and good intent for the purposes of being trusted in social interactions. Courtesy manners help to maximize the benefits of group living by regulating social interaction. Disease avoidance behavior can sometimes be compromised in the performance of courtesy manners. They may be taught in the same way as hygiene manners but are likely to also be learned through direct, indirect (i.e. observing the interactions of others) or imagined (i.e. through the executive functions of the brain) social interactions. The learning of courtesy manners may take place at an older age than hygiene manners, because individuals must have at least some means of communication and some awareness of self and social positioning. The violation of courtesy manners most commonly results in social disapproval from peers.
- Cultural Norm Manners – typically demonstrate one’s identity within a specific socio-cultural group. Adherence to cultural norm manners allows for the demarcation of socio-cultural identities and the creation of boundaries which inform who is to be trusted or who is to be deemed as ‘other’. Cultural norm manners are learnt through the enculturation and routinisation of ‘the familiar’ and through exposure to ‘otherness’ or those who are identified as foreign or different. Transgressions and non-adherence to cultural norm manners commonly result in alienation. Cultural norms, by their very nature, have a high level of between-group variability but are likely to be common to all those who identify with a given group identity.
Even small acts of random kindness and words of appreciation reflect the quality of all our relationships and thus strengthen them—which is why it is so important to be generous in remembering to say thank you.
Rules of etiquette encompass most aspects of social interaction in any society, though the term itself is not commonly used. A rule of etiquette may reflect an underlying ethical code, or it may reflect a person’s fashion or status. Rules of etiquette are usually unwritten, but aspects of etiquette have been codified from time to time.
Learning Etiquette & Manners Of Other Countries
When visiting a foreign country, it is of the utmost importance to learn the natives’ norms, customs, and traditions. Natives often criticize tourists for making unacceptable mistakes.
Etiquette can vary widely between different cultures and nations. For example, in Hausa culture, eating while standing may be seen as offensively casual and ill-omened behavior, insulting the host and showing a lack of respect for the scarcity of food—the offense is known as “eating with the devil” or “committing santi.” In China, a person who takes the last item of food from a common plate or bowl without first offering it to others at the table may be seen as a glutton who is insulting the host’s generosity. Traditionally, if guests do not have leftover food in front of them at the end of a meal, it is to the dishonor of the host. In the United States of America, a guest is expected to eat all of the food given to them, as a compliment to the quality of the cooking. However, it is still considered polite to offer food from a common plate or bowl to others at the table.
In such rigid hierarchical cultures as Korea and Japan, alcohol helps to break down the strict social barrier between classes. It allows for a hint of informality to creep in. It is traditional for host and guest to take turns filling each other’s cups and encouraging each other to gulp it down. For someone who does not consume alcohol (except for religious reasons), it can be difficult escaping the ritual of the social drink.
Etiquette is a topic that has occupied writers and thinkers in all sophisticated societies for millennia, beginning with a behavior code by Ptahhotep, a vizier in ancient Egypt’s Old Kingdom during the reign of the Fifth Dynasty king Djedkare Isesi (c. 2414–2375 BC). All known literate civilizations, including ancient Greece and Rome, developed rules for proper social conduct. Confucius included rules for eating and speaking along with his more philosophical sayings.
Etiquette may be wielded as a social weapon. The outward adoption of the superficial mannerisms of an in-group, in the interests of social advancement rather than a concern for others, is considered by many a form of snobbery, lacking in virtue.